We are meeting up with friends at World's End State Park in Forksville, PA. I'm obsessed that we are in the wrong campground. There is no internet or cell phone. I photographed the campground map and the map of the surrounding area in a desperate plea for information. I'm going through internet and social media withdrawal. I'm thinking about everyone that is trying to contact me and wondering why I'm not answering, I'm thinking about all the information that I'm missing and I "need" to know. I'm thinking about the "Tree of Life" shooting 1year anniversary in Pittsburgh. I'm thinking about my cousins who go to that synagogue.
I'm telling myself it's ok though. I've been through this before, time moving slower and without technology getting in the way. For me it takes a day or two to stop panicking that I won't receive information, I just have to quiet my racing thoughts that aren't being numbed and soothed by endless stimulation. Tomorrow I will actually feel much better by not being on my phone. But for now, the worry. Maybe I am at the wrong campsite? Maybe no one will arrive tonight or tomorrow? And so what does that matter? Because failure, because shame, that is who is talking to me and making a point to add on all the times I have incorrectly done something, now it's a laundry list a mile long, it's no longer about the correct campsite, it's louder than the rushing brook across from the camper, it's my life.
Tune in tomorrow to see if her friends really show up, or is she destined to be alone forgotten in the woods forever.